Giving your spouses memory away….piece by piece


A few days after my wife passed, I began sorting through her clothes in the master closet and bedroom dresser drawers, with the help of my cousin. We wound up packing up about 15 boxes. It hurt doing this - I loved the way Jan dressed, and she had so many beautiful outfits. But I just need to clear out the upstairs - I did not want to be like a lot of widowers who keep everything for years. I gave it all away to charity. After that, I pretty much held off on give away, except for items that she did not care about, or which I know she would have been happy to give to certain friends - her tennis rackets for example. Some items I sold and regretted - a pair of sunglasses we bought and she hardly ever wore. And a tagine - I knew I would never use it again, but Jan loved it. The woman I sold it to cooked with hers all the time, but it broke, and she was so happy to find another one. After selling that, I decided to be more selective once again - I really felt like I was giving pieces of her away. But, I can’t keep everything for ever. 


Shoes were next on my list, when I felt I could part with them. Much like her clothing, Jan had such incredibly good taste in footwear. And she had so many shoes. I started by clearing out some that she had not worn in years, and gave these to charity. I have already put aside the one she wore the most. I’ll keep these along with some of the clothes I kept. 


I’m not sure what I’ll do with other items - winter coats? I’ll probably sell a few of those since some are new and very expensive. Jewelry? That’s tough - my cousin helped me go through everthing she had, and a lot of it I want to give to friends and family. Maybe next year. But there are a few pieces she never wore, which are worth a lot. Maybe I sell those. 


And then there are cook books, all kinds of cooking devices and utensils, odds and ends around the house. Nope. Not even considering any of these. As Dr. Aboud would say, these are part of her legacy. Same goes for now, on her phone and internet accounts. I have backed up the storage she had, but I’m not touching I any of the accounts. 


I’m sure every widower goes through this struggle - what was important to your spouse, and does it hurt to much to part with it. I really don’t want to leave a house full of my memories to the executors of my will, so I will have to slowly decide what is important to me, and reduce that footprint over time.


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