Saturday sucks

For decades, Saturday night was always our “date” night, which usually was dinner at whatever our “Cheers” restaurant was where were living.. For example, in Gold River, we spent every Saturday at the same restaurant, where we had a permanent reservation, with the same wait person, and had the same meal each time. Burgers usually. Jan would dress up as always, looking sharp, and I would even dress better than usual - my best jeans. We would have a martini, share our wine with our waiter, chat with staff and in general, have a nice relaxing evening. Even while Jan was fighting the cancer, we still went out on Saturdays - it became difficult when Jan could not see, and she refrained from speaking when she became embarrassed at using the wrong words, but we still gave it a try until the very end. 


 Now that Jan is gone, Saturday night has become toxic to me - I can make it through the rest of the week, but Saturday night just brings on the bad memories and focuses on how alone I am, and how much I miss the life we had before this happened to Jan. Even when I have have a rare invitation on a Saturday to be with friends, I still think about how I’d rather be with my wife - I feel so awkward being with people on Saturdays without my lifelong companion. I’m not sure how I will ever get past that.


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